so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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