I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
