I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Randomize
