We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
