Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
