i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
