We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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