you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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