So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
