nut hugger
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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