I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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