I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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