Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
