Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What drink are we having for lunch?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
