the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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