theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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