i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
