I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The feeling are messing with the penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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