So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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