I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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