I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had sex on a roof
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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