i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
