dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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