I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
