Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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