Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
