Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
