Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
