she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if only i could text you this smell
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
