we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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