6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
