well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
