you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
