Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
