As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
