She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
