i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
