I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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