I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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