AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
