Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
