The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
