He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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