This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
