I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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