Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
