I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
