dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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