If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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