he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
