if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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