nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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