OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
