hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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