the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
