Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
