Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize