I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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