i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
