I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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