She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
