Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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