Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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