I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
