last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
