So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
