Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
