i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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