Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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