I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
