god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize