??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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