I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
