Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
