it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
