Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
