She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
