I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
