My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
